


Oh, To Have A Quiet Life

by letsgetalittleseethrough



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/F, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgetalittleseethrough/pseuds/letsgetalittleseethrough
Summary: "Dear Elsa,Please, really, there is no need for you to come and see me. Everything is absolutely-"Another scream echoed down the hallway.
Relationships: Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 83





	1. Everything is absolutely fine!

_Dear Elsa,_

_Another of our ships has not returned! I'm hearing news that there is an outbreak of disease in the Americas that is spreading via trade vessels, so I've made the decision that no more of ours will travel there… though Mr. Stevens has insisted that he take his own ship out to look for possible survivors. What I've done might prove an unpopular decision, but with the grieving wives and families of the sailors that did not make it back, I can't risk more deaths… so hopefully it will be the correct one. I hope all is well with you and the Northuldra?_

_Yours, Anna._

_-_

_Dear Anna,_

_It is not easy making big decisions like this, I should know, but I also want you to know that I am very proud of you and believe you have made the correct one._

_As for me - I'm afraid things aren't ideal. It's so odd, Anna, but something is wrong with the sea. The water has become undrinkable. It's got a tint of colour to it that just looks wrong, and of those that fell ill we were lucky to nurse them back to health. I hope the water is not full of this disease you speak of. As a result, we are moving further in towards the forest, as Yelana believes she knows of a spring that will be safe to drink from. I'll let you know how we find it - I believe it is a few days' travel from the encampment._

_How are Kristoff, Sven and Olaf? I must pay a visit all of you soon._

_Thinking of you, Elsa._

_-_

**_One month later_ **

_Dear Anna,_

_Did I read you correctly - all trade with other countries has been ceased? I must come back to Arendelle at once._

_In truth, we all grow uneasy here at our new encampment. A few reindeer appear to have - excuse my graphic wording - been mauled by some… well, it is probably only a large bear or something of the like. All the same, I don't like it._

_I'll be with you in a few days - we'll work this out together._

_Yours, Elsa._

_-_

_Dear Elsa,_

_Please, really, there is no need for you to come and see me. Everything is absolutely-_

Another scream echoed down the hallway. 

"Are you sure you have to write to her _right now?"_ Kristoff said, adding another chair to the blockade against Anna's office. "We could be, I don't know, escaping?!"

"Mr. Stevens will probably wear himself out," Anna said, sticking her tongue out as she thought how to reassure (or, OK, lie) to her sister. "He's fine."

_Everything is absolutely fine. I've heard that thousands of people are dead in England, so we should be grateful that we're, you know, also not de-_

A horrible knocking sound came from Anna's door.

"Mr. Stevens is not fine," Kristoff hissed, "what was it you said yesterday? 'I'm so happy he's returned, but he says he has a bad cold'? Looked like more than a bad cold to me!" He whimpered. "He's a member of the undead and now he's knocking on your door - well, at least he's polite I guess... No! He's about to- Anna- you know I love you, right?"

Anna frowned. "A member of the undead? Picking up London terms now, huh?"

"Does it matter?" Kristoff screeched. "I come to visit you for lunch and you're standing on the table with the kitchen knife fighting off a man who looks like he just stumbled out of a grave and all the servants are dead and- OK, you with the knife was kind of hot, but anyway- and then you decide that instead of doing the logical thing and getting out of here, you're going to write Elsa a letter-"

_To make it super-duper clear, everything is absolutely fine,_ Anna wrote, finishing the letter off with a, _Love from your in-really-good-health sister Anna-_

And then Anna's maid, also (oh screw it, Anna thought, the London term is a good one) - also, apparently, a member of the undead, came creaking out of the side door to the office that Kristoff hadn't barricaded, because that was supposed to be their exit.

"Oh great," Kristoff said, and Anna reached for the knife she'd hidden in her boot. 

_-_

_Hi Anna,_

_Honeymaren here - just thought I'd update you that we may take a little longer to reach you because of POSSESSED REINDEER._

_Elsa wants to pretend everything is OK but it's NOT so if you could just send some Arendelleian men to help us out a little (did she mention it's just me and her?)_

_Thaaaaaaanks, Honeymaren xo._


	2. Agreements

"Let's huddle together for warmth!"

"I'm not sure I'm the person you should be holding if that's the cas- oh!"

_Honeymaren really goes full-on with the huddling_ , Elsa thought, as she struggled against the arms wrapped around her to suck in air.

"I make that _six_ possessed reindeer today," Honeymaren sighed. 

Elsa made a noise that was either "I agree" or "please let me have some oxygen". 

They were lucky to find this cave. It was high enough that the reindeer couldn't reach them, and not too damp. Elsa couldn't believe this was her life now - hiding from reindeer. 

"I'm glad you're with me, Elsa," Honeymaren said, squeezing her even tighter. "I'm so glad we met."

Elsa made more "please let me breathe" noises, and finally resorted to slapping Honeymaren's arm. 

"Oh- sorry!" The weight was released. "Are you OK?"

After a few deep breaths, and a cough or two, Elsa nodded. "We're hiding from reindeer." 

More carefully this time, Honeymaren put an arm around her. "Yes, we are."

\---

Having hurled herself out of the window (thankfully her office wasn't up any stairs), Anna sorely wished she'd popped back into the castle to grab more cutlery.

"We're surrounded!" Kristoff said helpfully.

Four of them, advancing fast, all making a sort of undead-snoring noise. Eurk. 

Then the one the furthest away from them froze, looked over her shoulder at something, let out a sort of scream.

"Wow, what's up with these guys?"

Anna and Kristoff blinked in unison. "Olaf?" 

The other members of the undead screamed then, as Olaf walked by them. 

"They don't look so good," Olaf said, and the formerly alive servants of Arendelle Castle ran away, screaming.

"Huh," Anna said, at the same time as Kristoff exclaimed, "How did you-" 

"Let's go find Sven," Kristoff said, after they'd made it some distance from the castle.

"No," Anna said. "I mean- yes! You go! But I have to keep our people safe, and that means getting everyone out of here. Hopefully it's just contained in the castle."

"You want us to split up?"

"Not 'up' up, but-"

Kristoff kissed her hard. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do- and you're having Olaf. I'll make it on my own."

"Kristoff-"

"I'll be fine, Anna," he replied, trying to start believing it.

\---

"Who's a good boy? _Who's a good boy?_ Elsa, did you see that?"

"Bruni did a great job," Elsa agrees, but her eyes are already searching out more danger.

"He just- the reindeer just, whoosh! Went up in flames, oh, who saved us? Who saved us? You did! You did!"

"How much further do you think we have to go?"

Honeymaren sobers up. "It's hard to say, we've had to take so many detours…"

_But where is everyone?_ Elsa thinks. So many miles and they haven't seen a soul. 

She hoped, prayed, that Anna and Kristoff were OK.

\---

Anna had her fist to the door of the first household she was about to invent an excuse to about why they had to leave when an important-looking man tapped her on the shoulder.

_No one I recognise_ , she thought, and this was confirmed by the words:

"Weselton would like to offer the citizens of Arendelle refuge in hard times…"

"You have ships?" Anna asked.

The man harrumphed. "Weselton's ships are the finest in the land! Of course we have ships!"

There had to be a catch, but equally Anna knew that she had to get her people out of here before anyone else got hurt.

"Do we have a deal?"

Anna shook on it. 

  
  



	3. Always Read The Paperwork

“One of these days, I’m going to get a map,” Kristoff muttered, to no one in particular.

It would have been hard to read a map at the speed which he was hurrying through the trees, anyway, but it still would be a nice thing to have. 

“Boy, you’re kinda speedy there,” he laughed, this time to an audience: Arendelle’s former stablehand, who’d now changed professions to someone who was, well, dead and dangerous, and following right at his heels. Not a good combination.

(It was a sort of terrified laugh, for the record. Maybe someday he’d see the funny side to running for his life.)

“You’ve been following me for quite a while, so I’m just gonna climb that tree and get away from you now,” Kristoff announced, following this announcement with a series of “oof”s as he grappled his way up the branches. But he made it! _It’s amazing what you can do when you’re slightly scared out of your mind,_ he thought. _Anna would be so impressed…_

There was only one slight problem, as the stablehand turned and left him alone and darkness slowly fell: how was he going to get down?

A map, he decided, he could do without. But a coat and some snacks would have been nice.

\---

 _Honemaren really can climb a tree,_ Elsa thought, watching as she climbed out of sight. She wasn’t going to insult her by asking if she could get back down again - as far as Elsa was concerned, Honeymaren could do anything she put her mind to. 

Honeymaren’s head appeared, disconcertingly upside-down. “OK, you ready to catch?”

“Catch what?”

Something hit her on the head - very very softly. She squinted at the ground, in the disappearing sunlight, and located-

“A cloudberry! My favourite!”

“That’s good, ‘cause they’re our dinner! You ready to catch more?”

The solution, naturally, was to form a large bowl of ice and catch the berries in it (sometimes using her powers, especially like this, did honestly feel like going about things the easier way, but hey, she deserved to catch a break after a day of fighting possessed reindeer.)

They settled down to eat, but did not relax. It was risky, not staying in the cave, but eventually thirst and hunger had forced them to leave - plus, of course, there was Anna to think about. With luck, her advisors had got her on a ship safely away from whatever the hell was going on. 

\---

“And if you could just sign here, Your Majesty-”  
  


 _How many more pages?_ Anna thought angrily. They had a getaway to make, and here she was signing paperwork. She knew the people of Arendelle were anxiously waiting on the boats, and she couldn’t blame them for wanting to get away, despite how much they loved their kingdom.

“Aaaaaand- one final page-”  
  
Her signature on that final page was likely barely legible, but she figured the 20 or so other pages of exactly the same would make up for it. 

“Are we fit to sail?” she asked. 

Mr. Important-Looking made a non-commital noise. “We must wait for the priest to arrive,” he said.

She had to laugh at that, un-Queen-like behaviour or not. “Why would we need a priest?”

Mr. Important-Looking was now looking unimpressed. “I did think you may not have read the paperwork,” he said. “Do you have your own priest, Duchess?”

Now it was Anna’s turn to frown. “I’m the Queen,” she corrected. “I’m not sure we need to find a priest right now…”

“However else are we going to officiate the wedding?”

Anna decided, with a growing sickening feeling, to actually read all the paperwork. 

Olaf tapped Mr. Important on the leg. “I don’t know what your name is, but I’m going to think of you as ‘pompous asshole’.”

She couldn’t even find it in her to scold him. She should have known the importance of reading the paperwork. There it was, on the 19th page:

“In return for a safe voyage and refuge in Weselton, I, Queen Anna of Arendelle, agree to…”

“I’m engaged to Mr. Weselton,” Anna whispered.

Olaf beamed. “Oh, congratulations! Wait ‘til Kristoff finds out!”

Anna fought the desire to faint out of principle. If this was what Arendelle needed… she’d just keep putting the wedding off, that was all. Easy peasy. 


	4. Green lights and faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the six million years it's taken me to upload a new chapter!! 
> 
> if you’re emetophobic, I’d maybe skip the final section of this. It’s not graphic, but it is (hinting at something) gross (to come)...

If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

If Kristoff falls from a tree, with a series of “ow”s and “ouch”s and “not again”s, do members of the undead hear, and go attack him?

_Maybe these guys actually sleep_ , Kristoff mused, brushing himself off, and sending a prayer up to the only thing he believed in as thanks for keeping him safe (Anna, for the record). _Now- how am I supposed to navigate in the pitch black?_

After stumbling very slowly through the woods (no desire to risk a broken ankle, thanks), he thought he could make out a vague light not too far away. 

He stared at the light. Tomorrow he would run faster, stretch his out arms farther - but for now? He’d head for the light, hoping it would lead to people, and a place to safely sleep.

\---

Honeymaren was talking in her sleep. 

“ _I can’t- she can’t know- but what if she? No… but… I have to… I lo…_ ”

Elsa had planned to stay awake, but she couldn’t fight the tiredness forever. When she woke again, it was to Honeymaren giggling in the dark. 

_I wonder what’s making her so happy?_ Elsa wondered. And then, as sleep overtook her- 

_I wish I could make her that happy…_

Thing is, you don’t often remember what you think of just before you drift off, no matter how piercing an insight into your own existence it might be.

\---

“But I don’t have a dress!” Anna was gabbling, as the ships finally set sail. “Every bride needs a dress, and I’m sure Mr. Weaselton-”  
  


“Wesleton-”  
  


“-Would only want me to be his bride if I was wearing the finest-”

An embarrassed-looking young woman came up from below deck, carrying two bulging suitcases. “Your dresses, Your Highness…”

Anna was struck silent, opening and closing her mouth but never getting any further.

“I am to assist you,” the woman continued, looking deeply apologetic, “in trying on these wedding dresses to find ‘the most perfect and splendid of them all, fit for one so beautiful and considerate’. So… If you’d come with me…”

Helpless, Anna found her legs were actually following. _There’s got to be a way out of this…_

\---

The woman Kristoff found at the end of the light was so old she could have been Mr. Weselton’s grandmother.

_Huh_ , Kristoff thought, _haven’t thought of him in months. I bet he’s running around panicking and making one big great fool of himself…_

“Hello, Dear,” the old woman said, looking up from a cup of tea. “Come to join me?”

Kristoff, struck silent by her seeming unawareness of the chaos that had broken out around the world, nodded, and accepted a cup of tea from her. 

“I did predict this,” she said suddenly, after what must have been 15 minutes of silence. 

Struggling to swallow a mouthful of tea, Kristoff managed to get out, “Did you?”

The old woman nodded wisely. “Oh yes, my child. It was written in the earth many many moons ago…”

_I’ve gone and found the human equivalent of Grand Pabbie_ , Kristoff thought, and settled in for a good story and more nice, warming cups of tea. 

\---

After a very well aimed high-kick to the possessed reindeer’s nose, Honeymaren was breathing hard.

Too hard. 

“I’m fine,” she wheezed, waving off Elsa’s concern, only to collapse into her arms three seconds later. 

“We need water,” Elsa declared, mostly to herself. Possessing a strength she didn’t know she had, she lifted Honeymaren onto her back, and started walking. 

Honeymaren was going to be fine - why? Because Elsa said so, that’s why.

\---

_Think Anna, think. There has to be a way to make these dresses unwearable…_

Anna stared at the piles of soft white fabric in growing sadness. Seeing her wedding dress was supposed to be one of the happiest times of her life, picturing the look on Kristoff’s face as she walked down the aisle…

Tears formed, and she couldn’t hold them back. How would she ever explain-

“A bucket! Do you have a bucket?!”  
  


Anna looked up at her young helper’s - Thea’s - face in surprise. 

Thea’s own face was looking decidedly green. She was taking very shallow breaths. 

Anna ran out from “her” cabin and managed to locate a bucket that stunk of fish - probably not helping Thea feel any better, she thought guilty - and turned away as the poor girl heaved into it. 

“So sorry,” Thea whimpered, “would you mind trying on the rest of the dresses by yourself? I’m so sorry…” 

Inspiration struck Anna like the desire to throw up. “I’ll throw this overboard for you,” she said kindly, taking the bucket from Thea and watching as she shakily went to lie down in the cabin's bed. 

Once Thea was sleeping soundly, Anna bunched all the wedding dresses into one pile, grabbed Thea’s still... full... bucket, and set to work. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> five points if you got the literary reference at the beginning of the chapter...

**Author's Note:**

> Did I REALLY decide to write this? Apparently!


End file.
